Earlier this year, we revisited the cold open, first act, and second act of my first ever TV Pilot, OUT OF BOUNDS. If you’ve made it to this point, I tip my hat to you. You really hate your free time.
A quick recap before we get into things.
Bob, the son of Satan, sets out to strike a deal with a down-on-his-luck college basketball player, in hopes of taking over his father’s marketing firm (Yikes, I know). Marc, the basketball player, has just suffered another concussion and has just had his first run in with Bob. After some back-and-forth, Marc agrees to Bob’s proposal and uses some of his new powers in a game. Things are going great until Bob asks Marc to punch an opposing player in the face. When he refuses, the powers disappear with the game on the line.
We’re almost to the end. Hold on to your butts.
Not the worst start to an act three I’ve ever written. Way too much happening in this one scene. It needs to be split up with some ‘LATERS’.
I’d definitely would have Marc struggle more here with delivering the final blow. Give the reader a little more of his inner dialogue. I love the physical bit with the gurney being too small at the end.
The points record at the end here feels clunky. There’s so much riding on this game; the team avoiding last place, Marc’s deal with Bob, the point record, (stomp, stomp, stomp) you BIOLOGICAL CLOCK. Looking back one of these probably needed to go. If I’m killing one now, it would likely be the dad stuff (save that stuff for later in the series).
I forgot about how ridiculous I made Sarah in this season. I just wanted her to be a cleat chaser. I believe I saw the Broke 30 for 30 around this time and wanted to implement the portion of the doc that mentioned cleat chaser websites.
SO MUCH EXPOSITION!!!
Ahh, the founder’s fee. Such a fun little ending. I don’t think I really had an idea for who it was. Part of me wanted it to be Sarah. Another part of me wanted it to be Marc’s dad. Not sure where I would take it now if I’m being honest.
WE DID IT!! We survived the worst 36 pages I have ever written (and I’m counting all papers written throughout primary school and college). Have the scripts gotten better? You bet your ass! Will I eventually cringe at some of my current scripts? You bet your ass.